GET OVER IT
With Alexandra Wenman
LOVE LIFE AND YOU
Testament from Steve, a retreat participant with no previous writing experience:
Until now, I have only ever seen life as something to be feared.
Until now, I have only ever seen life as something from which to hide.
Until now, I have only ever seen life as a struggle.
Not any more.
As a kid growing up, I learned about fear: fear of loss of the people around me; the ones that cared for me. I see now that ever since then I have been terrified of being alone. That fear has insidiously crept into every aspect of my life, and overshadowed every decision I have ever made.
My career has been based on what I learnt from my very first job – it seems incredible now to think that I have not once seriously asked myself what I want to do with my life.
Friendships have been limited to those I know and trust the most: school friends and others that have joined me through them. Family relationships have been neglected.
Romantic relationships have been characterised by doing the minimum in every respect: emotionally, physically- even sex was simply ensuring that both were satisfied at a superficial level – I never opened up to what a true soul connection could feel like. When it was time for these relationships to end, I either couldn’t let go; or I found someone else first and cheated to ensure that I wouldn’t be alone. I hurt people I cared about and destroyed what could have been great.
I have my own moral compass, and yet this was somehow subordinated to a bitter, dog eat dog, view of the world that I took on and adopted as my own. Each time I acted on this false personality, I grew to dislike myself a little more.
Not any more.
I am now sensitive, creative and caring; and yet strong, determined, and powerful. From now on I embrace those softer aspects of character without any fear, and will find ways to nourish and feed them as my life progresses. I know, deep within my soul, that I am so much more than I’ve ever allowed myself to be. No more will I allow fear to limit my life and make it small.
I am so grateful to have the opportunity to live up to all of my potential; and that is exactly what I am going to do. Steve